This weeks Thursday Thirteen is dedicated to my parents and all the quarky things they use to say that I swore I never would to my own children. Guess what? Yep, I say em too.

1. “If you keep that sour look on your face, it’ll freeze like that.” - I believed this until I was 10 years old.

2. “You are too young to understand now, but someday you will.”  - Boy I really, really hated this one. But you know what? Now I understand.

3. “Get down from there before you break your neck!” - My mom had to say this one to me alot.

4. “Ask your mother.” - I think this was my dad’s answer for everything until I got in middle school. Sometimes I say this to my kids just to confuse them.

5. “If your friend jumped off a bridge would you?” - Hated this one too, but at 13, yeah I probably would’ve.

6. “I hope you don’t think you are leaving this house looking like that.” - This was usually said to me because I looked like a homeless person, which my mother found very embarrassing. I was not a fashionista in high school like most girls. If it matched and was clean, I was good to go. The clean part was debatable.

7. “Do you want your butt whooped?” - This never made any sense to me. Who would ever say yes to this question? I mutter this sentence quite a bit.

8. “She went to sh*t and the hogs ate her.” - Nice huh? This was my father’s answer always when we asked where my mother was. Oh that’s not the best part. When I was about 12 my sister finally asked him where in the world hogsateher was. Yeah we still don’t let her live that one down!

9. “We’ll see.” - This was my mother’s answer whenever you asked her if you could do something in the future. Again, hated this one. Again, I use it at least 42 times a day.

10. “Because I said so.” - One of the classics. It irritated me to no end. I use this one as well but added my own little touch to convince myself I wasn’t actually sounding exactly like my mother. Now I say “Because I am the mom and I said so.” See. Totally different.

11. “You do the crime, you do the time.” - My mother just loved to say this as she was closing my door after sending me to my room to stare at the walls. I think she thought she was being clever. I took every opportunity to roll my eyes at this statement as soon as she closed the door. I am sure my kids do the same.

12. “What do you think?” - Not in the: I want to know your opinion and encourage your growth by probing you to answer life’s questions on your own, but more in the sense of - “Hey mom, can I go to a party at Carla’s? Her parents are outta town, but her big sister is going to swing by to check on us. So, can I go?” Her answer - “What do you think?”

13. “I love you.” - My parents said this to me and my sister often. I say it to my kids everyday!

If you want to see other Thursday Thirteen participants, you can check them out here.

1. When you brush your teeth could you please try to not get toothpaste all over the sink and the mirror and the table next to the sink and the floor and the basket that the toothbrushes and toothpaste go in.

2. It may seem like tons of fun to see how fast you can bound down the steps and fly into the wall, but really, one day you may kill yourself doing that, so please stop.

3. Before you drop your clothes there on the bathroom floor, could you please take one small step to the left and put them in the basket.

4. Turn a light out. Flip the switch. Any one of them will be fine.

5. Just because you put on a pair of pajama pants under your nightgown to take the dog outside does not mean said pants are instantly dirty after two minutes of wearing them. Please fold them up and put them back in your drawer instead of throwing them on the bathroom floor putting them in the basket in the bathroom.

6. I love your independent spirit and your ability to make your own snack, but if you decide to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, will you please put the peanut butter and jelly away and at least put the tie back around the bread. Oh and if you could take a papertowel and wipe up the huge globs of jelly you left everywhere, that would be great.

7.  I know it makes perfect sense to also throw your socks in the closet when throwing in your shoes after you’ve taken them off, but if you put them in the basket, I could wash them and then your room may stop reaking of dirty gym socks. Just a suggestion.

8. There is a room in our home entirely devoted to about 9 million dollars worth of toys and dress up clothes and art supplies and books and playdoh. Could you please refrain from using the phrase ” I am bbbbboooooorrrrrrrreed, there is nothing to ddddddddddooooooooooooooooooo here.”

9. When you get ambitious and try to put together that 250 piece puzzle, could you put the pieces back in the box when you are finished? There is something about a small dog choking on a puzzle piece that will wake ya right out of a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

10. The beds you are sleeping in each night were pretty expensive and though they are bunkbeds they may just have to last  you until you move out, so could you please stop performing acrobats from one bunk to the next. (Yes, Emma, you.)

11. When you are done brushing your hair, could you not put the brush in your sock drawer or in the toybox or whatever other place that seems like a good idea at the time, and put it back in the bathroom closet where it goes? That way we can brush our hair the next day too because we will know right where the brush is.

12. If you get some milk before leaving for school, will you put the lid back on and put it in the refrigerator? Not sure if you know this but it is not a good idea to leave milk sitting around on the counter ALL day long with no lid.

13. Could you please stop growing up, because in about fifteen years I am really going to want you around to do numbers 1-12.

See other Thursday Thirteen participants here.

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, which is funny for me to even say, being that for the last 27 years of my life I could not have possibly cared less about Valentine’s Day, I thought I would point out all the reasons my man is the best. Give him his props if you will. I know the “best” is a relative term, since I am sure you all think your man is the best as well, but it’s okay, we can share it. And for those of you that don’t have a man or have a man that is not the best, you may want to go away if things like this make you want to hurl, because I am going to be gushing. It will be lovey dovey and mushy and you may feel like melting. So here goes: (in no particular order of importance)

1. He is a real live Chef. He cooks ladies. And he makes this Grand Marnier Chocolate Cake that will make you wanna hurt yourself. And bacon wrapped scallops and soups that are to die for. Oh I could go on but I am starting to drool and that ’s not very attractive.

2. He has dimples. Two big ‘ole dimples in the side of his face that just make me feel all gooey when he smiles. My dad has dimples and my oldest nephew and my youngest daughter. I’m a sucker for dimples.

3. We work together with the Innercity Youth Football Collaborative of Greater Cincinnati from March until December. He puts his whole heart into these little boys and being the best mentor he can be. He loves each and every one of them and tells them every chance he gets. He requires they show him their report card and he has made more than one trip to a school to assist a child. He has fed them, helped them with homework, picked them up for practice, and made sure they know they can depend on him. This is a rough neighborhood and some of these kids have rough homes. There is no doubt in my mind he is saving lives.

4. He is charming. He oozes charm. He is the Executive Chef and Food Service Director at an upscale retirement community. Boy does he make them old ladies swoon.

5. All this week I have been sick in bed with the flu and he had to go out of town for his job. Instead of staying an extra day in a beautiful hotel on the job’s tab, which he could have, he came home and brought me a get well package. There was flu medicine, cough drops, chocolate and of course, soup.

6. He knows everything there is to know about the game of football. He can tell you every rule, every play, every position and it’s responsibilities, as well as stats and point conversions and blitzes and, and , um, other stuff. He knows it all. And he commentates during games sharing all his knowledge with me. To some of you this may sound extremely annoying, but to a true blue tomboy like myself, it is bliss. His football knowledge is super sexy.

7. He will admit when he is wrong and say I’m sorry. Amen.

8. He will sometimes call and chat on the phone with my 8 year old like they are best girlfriends. To a little girl with no daddy, this is very cool.

9. Last week I overheard a conversation he was having in the other room with my 80 year old grandmother, in which she asked him when he was gonna marry me already. He just chuckled and then told her he didn’t know, but that he knew he loved me and my kids more than he knew he could ever love someone and then he promised her he would take care of us the best he knew how. This is where I melted.

10. When my sister and her kids came home for a few days over the summer, I sat on my parents back porch and watched him throw football with my nephew when the sun was setting. The setting sun, football, and two of my absolute favorite boys in the whole world. It was one of those moments you tuck away and always remember.

11. He calls me everyday at least once just to say I love you and nothing else.

12. He tells me I am beautiful, even on days when I am near death with the flu and we both know darn good and well I look homely and horrible.

13. He loves my kids like they are his own. They’re not. Nuff said.

I could list forever and maybe someday I will. But don’t worry I won’t put you through that. But thanks for allowing me to be sentimental.

See other Thursday Thirteen Participants here.

Saturday is not a holiday. But it is the weekend. And I don’t have to work. I just get to have fun. And I have alot of fun planned my friends. Probably more than I handle. No, really. But here are 13 reasons why I can’t wait for it to get here:

1. I have had the week from h-e-double hockey sticks. Alot of craziness happened including but not limited to, my car braking down and needing a new engine, my mass purchase at HHGregg when the salesman made the mistake of telling me I could have 24 months same as cash on GE appliances. (I needed a washer. I bought a washer, a dryer, a refrigerator and stove. Oh and a vacuum.), my basement was slightly flooded and I had to call roto rooter, my daughter threw up all over the bathroom after her older sister threw up all over the car. twice.  

2. Did I mention my car broke down and I need an engine. An engine. The really big piece that is under the hood that makes the car run. It is also, evidently, the most expensive piece.

3. My daughter has Karate. I love Karate. Ok, not necessarily Karate, but watching my oldest daughter perform Karate. She is good. Really good. And she likes it. And let’s face it, this kid does not like much. (she is 8 going on 14)

4. I got my income tax return! Woo hoo. And after all my debts from 2007 are paid off, I may have about 63 dollars left to treat my girls to something fun. After all, they are the reason for the get-out-of-debt-free-card I get every year at this time. Just one of the perks of being a single parent. Head of household, baby! and I’ll take three dependents on the side thankyouverymuch!

5. Saturday is only one day before the Super Bowl. That’s all I have to say about that. Amen.

6. I have laundry to do, but I also now have the beautiful and shiny and wonderful and amazing front load washer and dryer that I have lay awake dreaming about for so long. And they are all mine. Well, in 24 months they will be.

7. I have a big day planned for “the girls” and my friend Shanil and her daughter De’Asya are signed up to go. We always have a great time together. And there is something to be said about having an even number of kids. Two groups of two running off in different directions is surprisingly easier than having three going in three different directions.

8. This day includes eating out. And I don’t mean McDonalds or Domino’s pizza cuz I have a coupon. There may even be forks.

9. I bought the girls a new little outfit to wear on our big day. Because they are girls and love all things girly. And new clothes are fun. And they are going to think I am the coolest mom ever! Yay me! ( yes I know this is shameless bribery. I don’t care )

10. This big day also includes Dave and Busters. This is the midwest equivalent to Chuck E Cheese or Gameworks. In other words, there are lots of games to play and you only have to spend 293 dollars on tokens for your kids to each get a tootsie roll and a slap bracelet before you leave. And if you are lucky it will only take them 45 minutes each to decide what they want. But the biggest perk. Skeeball. You can’t touch me on Skeeball people. I am the skeeball champ. And I am not afraid to elbow a kid or two to prove it.

11. These big plans on Saturday are a big surprise. The girls have no idea. Springing it on them is almost too much secret for me to handle. I am a bad secret-keeper. The worst. I feel like I could burst right now.

12. The best part of the day will be saved for last. I know you are dying of anticipation. Well I will give you a hint. My daughters and my friend’s daughter will not be the only little gorgeous girls there. Oh no. There will be lots of little girls there. And lots of screaming and giggling I am sure. Lots of pink and definitely lots of lipgloss. Adorable fuzzy boots and glittery purses and most probably talk of Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers.

13. And only because I can’t think of a 13, I will give you a bigger hint. We will be at a movie theatre for a one-week only showing. And the title of the movie includes the words Hannah and Montana. (insert adolescent girly screams here) But shhh don’t tell. It’s a surprise.

 1. Wake up 4-6 minutes before alarm goes off so I can be adequately annoyed. Not sure who, exactly, I am so mad at when this happens or how much better I would be with those 4-6 minutes of sleep but I find it quite annoying none the less.

2. Hit the snooze button at least 7 times. That way after it takes me 6-8 minutes to doze back off, I can still get 1-2 minutes of sleep before the alarm clock goes off again. Multiplying that by 7 gives me 7-14 minutes of extra sleep. Therefore making up for the fact that I woke up 4-6 minutes before the alarm clock went off the first time. It’s the principle of it all, people. And the new Math… AKA: Mommy needs way more sleep than she actually gets.

3. I go into the bathroom and do my business (sorry for the TMI) and then stare at myself in the mirror while washing my hands to see what new wrinkles and bumps and grey hairs I have acquired overnight.

4. Brush my teeth and remind myself that we are almost out of toothpaste and toilet paper. Four females in one house = ALWAYS out of toilet paper.

5.  Jump in the shower and utilize my time by mentally making a list of all the important things I have to do at work today, like seeing if Ree is having a contest, check to see what everyone else did for Thursday Thirteen, IM my sister for a while, check TMZ.com to see what my girl Crazazy Brit has been up to in the last 24 hours and email my boyfriend to remind him of all the important things he has to do at work today like: get me some grapes and apples when the fruit order comes in today and remind the dagon jewelry lady to bring me the ”silver” catalog already. We are very important people at our jobs by the way.

6.  Get out of the shower and take 8 minutes on myself. In this amount of time I must properly lotion, dress, put on my face and dry my hair. If I am feeling especially good I may even brush my hair and put on a bit of lipstick chapstick.

7. Get the girls up and moving and help them pick out clothes that they will put back in their drawer throw on the floor the minute I walk out of the room so they can pick out their own clothes.

8. Go downstairs to take the dog out and fill up his food and water bowl since this is Olivia’s job and she always does it. Oh wait, if she always did it I wouldn’t be doing it. Oh that’s right, she never does it. So I do it.

9. Lay something out for dinner so I can cook my children a well balanced meal when I get home. Throw something in the slow cooker and call it dinner, trying not to forget that the first rule is to remove whatever it is from whatever plastic packaging it is in. But this is before I have had coffee and I am not responsible for what happens in the morning before I have had coffee.

10. Go upstairs and gently remind tell the girls in my outside voice that we must leave the house in 12 minutes and they need to really get a move on, while making a mental note to stop saying things like “get a move on”. I am really starting to sound like my mother, which I swore would never happen.

11. Go in my room and turn off Hairspray or High School Musical II or Return to Neverland or whatever other movie Cori has put in the DVD player to watch while “she is getting ready”. Remind Cori again that we must leave the house in what is now 11 minutes and so she really needs to go take off her pajamas and put on her school clothes. Trust me, if you were allowed to wear pajamas in elementary school every school picture I ever had would have featured Strawberry Shortcake or Rainbow Brite. Wait, who am I kidding, my favorite pajamas had Knight Rider on them. So did my lunch box.

12. Remind the girls to not forget any of the following items: shoes, socks, homework, hat, scarf, coat, bookbag, forms and surveys from the office I should have turned in a week ago.

13. Get in the car. Get back out of the car to go into the house to get shoes, socks, homework, hat, scarf, coat, bookbag, forms and surveys from the office that I should have turned in a week ago that at least one of the girls forgot. And if you are thinking — “it is the middle of January, surely her kids would not leave the house without their socks and shoes on,” you don’t know Cori.