Last night it was rainy and dreary while I made my way home. I thought of what I would make for dinner and what the girls and I could do on an evening of being forced inside because of the rain. I picked Emma up first, as I always do, and the first words out of her mouth were, as they always are, “Mama, can I ride my bike when I get home?”

“Well, it is raining right now, but if it stops raining then you can.”

She seemed content with that and we chatted for the rest of the ride to get her sisters. This time of day is usually our only time together, just the two of us, and I am convinced she tries to fit in as many questions as she possibly can in this expanse of time.

As we pulled in front of the house the raindrops turned to drizzle and before we were checking the mail, it ceased altogether. Before even stepping foot in the house, Emma took her cue from Mother Nature and made her way by skipping to the backyard to retrieve her bike. Before long, her sisters followed suit and began riding with her. I told the girls I was going to get supper going and I would be out very shortly to check on them. I reminded them again the boundaries of their bike riding;

“Don’t forget ladies, not farther than the rock wall at Andrews place or the stop sign up here, ok”

“Yes mam” they chimed in unison.

Not ten minutes later, after putting ground beef on the stove to brown for spaghetti with meat sauce, I stepped foot on the porch to check on the natives. Riding their bikes without a care in the world, I lingered for a moment to enjoy their giggles. I soon called them in for dinner and they convinced me it was a night for eating on the porch. After we enjoyed spaghetti, salad and fresh bread on the porch, I excused myself to do the dishes while the girls again flew for their bikes.

The dishes didn’t take long so I grabbed the basket of towels that I had just taken from the dryer and walked out on the porch to fold while watching the girls. I was disappointed to find that Olivia had ridden past the stop sign and was on her way back when I came outside. I made her put her bike up and go in the house to get ready for pajamas and to work on her project due this Friday. I told Cori and Emma they had about 20 minutes left; that we needed to head inside about 7:15 to get prepared for today. Not 45 seconds later Cori cruised right past the rock wall at Andrews place. I too sent her inside to get ready for pajamas.

Then shaking my head in disbelief at just what my children do and do not retain in their little minds, I looked up to see Emma riding her bike down the sidewalk, being sure to turn around carefully before meeting the stopsign. For the next few minutes I just watched her ride her bike and answer the questions that started flying when she realized we were alone. After explaining to her why it rained, how they built bridges and why cars have 4 wheels and not six, I reminded her that she had only about 5 minutes left before it was time to put the bike away and head inside.

I sat there and enjoyed the pre-summer coolness of a evening after rain and just watched her ride up and down, up and down the sidewalk. I looked down at my watch to see it was 7:14, so I let her know. As we tried to stave off the last minute of our time together, I looked at my little lone survivor of obedience and marveled at her for a moment. I told her it was time to go inside and without missing a beat she walked her bike to the backyard. I waited for her at the side of the house and we walked up the sidewalk hand in hand into the house. As I watched her run up the steps to get pajamas ready and I could not help but think what a brave little girl she is and how she has done such a 180.

This little girl that was diagnosed not even a year ago of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Anxiety. I remembered how she would worry about the simplest of things like an adult until it literally made her sick to her stomach. I thought about all the times she was punished at daycare for not sitting still, when she simply could not. I thought about how school administrators told me she needed to be on medication; about the doctors that agreed. I thought about the first time I heard the words ‘chemical imbalance’.  I thought about the time that I caved in and agreed to the smallest therapeutic dose and how my little baby took that little pill and then proceeded to stare into space sitting on the floor in front of her dollhouse instead of playing with it and how that made my heart shatter into a trillion pieces and fall to the floor in the form of hot tears. I then remembered the beautiful young therapist that took my hand in hers in her small office one cold winter day and looked me in my eyes and said to me “We can help your child without medication, but you must be committed and you must be willing to lose all sense of your own emotions. When you get frustrated and want to yell, you must not. I will teach you and we will teach Emma.” I believed her. I committed. And I learned. And tonight when my little girl stopped at the door and looked up at me with those beautiful almond shaped eyes and said “I was the good girl huh, mama?”, I looked right back down at her and said, “You were the best girl, noodle, the best girl.”

I believe ADHD is real. I have to. I have seen my daughter struggle too much to believe that it doesn’t have a name. I believe she gets anxious. I believe that maybe even my baby does have a chemical imbalance.

I don’t know if there is a way to love the ADHD and anxiety right outta her, but I do know I don’t wanna stop trying til I’ve figured it out.

Dear Lady in the Grocery Store, or the Mall, or the line at the Pharmacy,

I realize you are of an older generation and sometimes change is hard. Especially when it involves race relations, which we all know is a toughy. I am sure seeing a white lady with brown kids can be a little perplexing and sometimes some of  your silly questions can even be validated. Like are my kids adopted. That one I can give you I suppose. My youngest two pretty much look nothing like me and they are well, brown. But the questions that are really none of your business anyway like “Are you married?” and then the one that always follows when I say no, “Do they all have the same dad?”, um, that’s a little much. I apologize if you ask me these questions on a bad day when I may answer by saying “I dunno, the UPS man just dropped them off one day” or “Why yes they do, have you ever heard of Denzel Washington?”

I am not near as nice when the really silly questions come out like “Is that her natural hair color?” (my red head) or “Is her hair that curly naturally?” so try to avoid those. I once convinced a lady at the playland at the mall that I paid $200 every 6 weeks to have their hair permed and professionally colored. They were 2,3, and 4 at the time. She nodded along and then made a beeline for her Canasta meeting to tell everyone all about the crazy white lady at the mall.   

I can also cut some slack on the truly sympathetic questions like “How on earth do you keep it all together raisin’ those girls without a husband?” to which I can usually just say “Easy - I just don’t keep it all together” and then point to my mismatched socks and unbrushed hair.

My new favorite is the one I was asked when we were at the dentist last. I mentioned to the girls that we needed to get moving so we could get Emma to therapy on time; an appointment that was just 20 minutes away. After brazenly asking me what she went to therapy for, I answered “um, she sees a therapist for her ADHD.” “Oh you really believe in that ADHD stuff?”

Yeah, don’t ever think it is okay to ask these kinds of questions really. If you don’t believe in ADHD I would be delighted to invite you to my house at midnight when she is so worked up and fidgety she can’t close her eyes when it is clear she is exhausted. Those nights are always a blast.

So I see that some aspects of my life can seem a little curious and just sometimes you feel like you must ask the question that is burning in your mind. But do me a favor, don’t ask me.

But lady from the gas station this morning, if you are reading this, questions like “Aren’t they just the cutest things?” are fine. Because why yes, yes they are and thank you for noticing.

Love,

Mandy

Liv and Cori are on Spring Break this week so they have sleeping over at my grandparents so I don’t have to pay a babysitter. Did I mention I have the best grandparents ever? So the past few evenings Emma and I have really got to spend some quality time together, which has led to us both staying up too late and not wanting to get up in the morning, but still a blessing. Monday night we met my boyfriend at the park to play catch. He is a youth football and softball coach, so of course, he coached her the whole time, teaching her to step and throw and keep her eye on the ball. She soaked up all the attention and had the biggest smile on her face the whole time.

Last night we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and walk to the pizza place across the street. They recently moved the building they have been operating in for 25 years from the Main Strausse Village to the little strip a street over from the house.

They have been here in town for forever and are kind of iconic, I guess you could say. I have been looking forward to trying them out. That, and it is the only pizza place nearby and let’s face it, at almost $3.50 a gallon, I would rather walk than drive to eat out anyday.

After we played catch a little bit, we started out for our walk.

Emma convinced me that the pizza place would be the perfect place for her to get some time to play her sister’s Nintendo DS while she is gone. She is actually quite good at it and though I never thought I would want to admit something like this, I have found that video games are very good for her. Since her ADHD diagnosis we have tried all sorts of things to help her control her body and cut down on impulsiveness, which was always much worse in public. Sometimes just a crowd or too much noise would be too much for her to handle and a meltdown would ensue. Since she has been introduced to video games, she seems to do much better. The excitement of the game holds her attention and gives her something to focus on. She also seems to be able to tune everything else out while playing. Lately we have been working on accepting when it is time to stop playing. We’re still working on that one. She would play with either her sister’s DS or her Vsmile for 23 hours a day if I would let her.

So walking to the pizza place looked like this.

and this

She finally stopped playing long enough when we sat down to acknowledge my presence. Well, only for a moment. And only to do this.

We finally got our pizza from the cute little waitress and it wasn’t what I expected. I am not sure why I had a preconceived notion that it would be true homemade pizza with gloriously fresh toppings, but it wasn’t. It was more like sauce from a can and sausage you can taste were just thawed out that morning after being dumped from the large plastic bag they came in. Oh well. At least I got to have some stimulating conversation with Emma watch Emma do more of this.

After we put most of the pizza in a box and carried it home to put it in the refrigerator to sit for three days until I throw it away finished dinner, we walked next door to get some gum and then headed home. At first I just took some time to look around at my neighborhood while walking and listen to Emma’s little converse pitter-patter on the sidewalk. I wondered how long I would have before Emma and my other daughters got to the point where they didn’t want to hang out with their mama anymore. Then, just as if she knew what I was thinking, Emma finally shut the DS to do this….

and all was right in my little corner of the world.

Ok so after my last post, another web-based and free photo editing site was recommended to me. Picnik. I am in love. I am addicted. You must try this. You must, I tell you. You can still improve your photos, but also do cool effects that are not offered by Photoshop Express. See:

Mmm hmm. Told ya. Now get your butt over there and get ta editing.

Driving home from running some impromptu errands and stopping to meet the boyfriend at the park so the kids could enjoy the spring that is trying its darndest to come out around here…..

Emma: “Mama, I am still hungry. What can I eat when I get home.”

Mama: “You could have some ramen noodles or there are leftover chicken enchiladas in the refrigerator.”

Emma: With a very strange look on her face “Mama, I will eat broccoli and even I will eat peas, but I do not want to try to eat chicken in pajamas. I think I will just have some ramen.”

Mama: “Good choice Em, good choice.”

Sometimes when you are feeling like you don’t know what your life is about, and you wonder what your purpose is, God will show you in the details. Sometimes when you take a second to stop and take a deep breath and look around at your life, you will see the small things that make it all worth it. The slices of your days that complete the puzzle of who you are.

At first you may see dust on the top of the refrigerator where you keep the cookie jar. But if you look closely you will see little fingerprints. Little fingerprints that will not be there forever searching for cookies.

At first you may see scraps of paper in the corner you wish someone would have put into the wastebasket. But if you look closely, you will see it is the scrawlings of an eight year old that started and erased and restarted and crumpled up and restarted a note to her nana until she got it just right.

At first you may see that someone has been in your fabric scraps and left quite a mess on the laundry room floor. But if you look closely, you may see all your five year olds Barbies having a wicked camping trip in the play tent and they each have their own little sleepingbag made from brightly colored and discarded scraps of different texture.

At first you may see that someone drug out your planner and scribbled on one of the pages where you much prefer to keep your grocery list. But if you look closely you will see that your seven year old used a highlighter pen to write #1 mom in the corner.

At first you may see just a man. Just a man you think will use you and leave you like all the rest. But if you look closely you see a man that looks at you with pure love in his eyes and kisses your kids on the forehead if he gets there after they have fallen asleep. You hear him whisper I love you to your sleeping daughters with no daddy and you know that your prayers have been answered.

I have always been anal retentive, bordering on OCD. I strive for organization, but too often find myself in the midst of utter chaos. I have tried every gimmicky organizational tool in the book and have recently found 2 that are working wonders in my household! The cute magazine holders I cleverly labeled “Coloring Books” with my never used scrapbook materials, not so much. I still find coloring books scattered all over the house. The two clear bins I also cleverly labeled “Barbie Dolls”, not so much. They prefer the plastic bag my mom’s new comforter came in. I mean, it has a zipper. Silly me!

So anyhoo, I ran across an intriguing idea on one of my favorite blogs Notes from the Trenches. She has seven children. I am so inspired by big families and the ways mothers find ways of keeping things organized. Owlhaven is another favorite. If she can do it with 10 kids, surely I can do it with 3. But anyway, Chris from Notes also blogs at Mommy Points, a blog for Handipoints. My life changed completely the day I found Handipoints. I love Handipoints. My children love Handipoints and all order is restored in my home. And *gasp* chores are getting done, get ready, willingly!

So Handipoints is this wonderful service that allows you to set up charts for your children. They get to check off tasks daily. They earn 1 point for each task and a different amount of bonus points for each task completed. The bonus points can be used to dress the cat each child is assigned when signing up. You can also set up a reward to be received for a set amount of points earned.

Being my kids have more than their fair share of chores, I rose the point values a little for us, or else I would be buying rewards all day long. I chose rewards that were considered pretty special in our home: DVDs, CDs, books, art supplies. I first thought of doing small things from the Dollar Store or something, but I want my kids to feel like all their hard work really is worth something, and I want to teach them the value of a dollar and to hopefully make them feel pride in the item they earned and therefore take better care of it. I forgoed the allowance component with the start of Handipoints. The girls were starting to blow their allowance on silly things that were either broken or lost the following day and I hated to see the waste of money that way. Now I keep putting their allowance in their savings account when I get paid and then use that account to buy their special reward. I am buying all rewards through Amazon so that they can also get mail! I know, I am a genius. I let them know what the reward is right up front so they know what they are working for. When all their points are earned there is the added suspense of waiting for their package to come to the house! Right now Olivia is working towards a new Hannah Montana game for her Nintendo DS, Cori is working for the Enchanted DVD and Emmalee is working towards The Bee Movie DVD. I printed out a picture of each product from Amazon to post on the fridge under their chart as a daily reminder of what they are working for.

Each day they get so excited to check off their chores and count up how many points they have so far. Each of their rewards are worth 125 points, which equals out to about 1 reward a month or so. I can change chores from week to week and they are notified right up front what chores were switched. This gives Cori a break on taking out the garbage which she hates and Olivia from standing outside on the porch waiting while Cooper does his business in the yard, which she hates. I have also found more responsible tasks for Emma to complete this way. In the past, it was always so much easier to just call for Olivia or Cori to do it because they are older. Now, Emma feels more included and helpful - which has also seemed to curb her ADHD considerably. Now she has constructive things to do instead of just run around and aggravate her sisters while they are trying to complete their chores!

This may sound like just something extra for a mom that is already too busy to do, but in my household, I take all the help I can get. My kids have really done a great job with Handipoints and their task charts and they feel proud of themselves. They also get to experience how if you really want something, sometimes you have to work really hard to get it. Olivia has already asked me if we can bump up her point limits in order to receive bigger rewards like a new outfit from “one of the cool stores in the Mall” or a new coat (she wants a dressier one to wear to church).

Handipoints is awesome. The end.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Next gimmick making my life lovely:

The Grocery Store Scavenger Hunt. I came up with this myself. Thank you, thank you. The grocery store is one of my most hated places. I try to only venture to the grocery store once a month. That way I can go back for small things; milk, bread, etc., on my lunch break or before I stop to get the girls from school. I must admit going to the grocery these days is much easier than it was when I use to have to put two toddlers and a pumpkin seat in one cart and push it while putting my groceries in another cart and pulling it. Oh yeah. Those days were a barrel of laughs. But still I have issues at the grocery store. Now that everyone is too old and too big to sit in a cart, they must walk around with me. Read: Run in three different directions while I am trying to shop while yelling “Mama can we get this?” at least 136 times a piece. I use to use my outside voice at least once while in the grocery store. But then I came up with a genius idea to make the girls feel helpful while using their reading and math skills and to help them practice a little restraint.

We now have to grocery shop on a Saturday or Sunday only because this takes about twice as long as it use to. But it was very fun and the girls loved it and they learned something too! I also think this was the very first time they saw how mommy has to stick to a budget at the grocery store and we can’t just buy whatever we see!

I first made a master grocery list of all the things that I needed to get. Then I highlighted the items on the list; each with a different color; Cori, Pink; Liv, Green, ok you get it. Then I made each of the girls their own list complete with little check off boxes and lines to write the price of the item. I saved the more difficult or specific items for my own list and the easier and nonspecific items like milk I gave to Emma. At the bottom of each of their lists I left a space for them to write in what their “special” would be. What one item they wanted to make sure made it into the basket. For Emma it was Fruity Pebbles cereal and Liv and Cori put their heads together and one got chips, the other, dip. The catch was they had to find everything on their list first (with help from Mom). When we got to the grocery store, each of the girls got a basket and I a cart to unload into when the baskets got too heavy to carry.  Each aisle I would check my “master list” to see who would need help. Liv and her smarty pants hardly needed me at all. Cori got frustrated when trying to find some things but when I paired her with Emma she got more excited and empowered to help Emma read labels. When everyone had everything on their list, we added all the totals on my calculator to make sure we stayed within the budget. When we first walked in, I told the girls up front what we needed to stay at. They watched me with baited breath as I entered each number into the calculator like I was about to open their case on Deal or No Deal. When I hit total and come up a whole $4.26 under budget they all cheered and laughed. People looked at me like I had three heads, but who cares, even small victories are celebrated in our house!

Then the girls got to bag their own “special” and carry it to the car and hold it with them until we got home. A simple idea turned into making a trip to the store actually enjoyable and educational! And I had to keep their little lists with their little scribbled amounts next to their items and their cute little checkmarks. So fun!

And if anyone else has any organizational things for me to try, bring it on! I need all the help I can get!

When my children started attending public school they started bringing home alot of wonderful things. Though not quite as annoying as the flu and head lice, the pinky promise is not my favorite. Mainly because sometimes mommies can’t always keep a promise. And breaking a pinky promise is serious business. Every girl knows that. But still the pinky promise is running rampant in our house right now.

“Mom, you gonna do white clothes tonight so we can have clean socks in the morning?”

“Yes.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Uh,……..yeah. Here, pinky promise.”

See. See how the pinky promise quickly pulls you into doing something you could have possibly gotten away without doing for at least one more day.

Emma quickly picks up on these wonderful things the girls bring home. She sits at a babysitter all day and can’t wait to soak up all the great things her sisters learned at school that day. She can “Mary Mack” with the best of them.

Last night as I was tucking her into bed, she turned around on the ladder to her bunk and said, “Mama I am going to bed tonight like a big girl because I am really tired. I don’t need to go potty and I don’t need a drink, k? I even pinky promise. Come on mama, I pinky promise.”

“Oh yeah, ok.” I said as I wrapped my pinky around hers.

About 15 minutes later I could hear the ladder lightly tapping against the bed as she made it down each step, and then her little feet coming closer to my door.

She walked in sheepishly and then took a deep breath and said….

“Mama I know I pinky promised and I know my sisters say you are never suppose to break a pinky promise. That’s like when Liv says I can play her DS and I make her pinky promise me and then she doesn’t let me and I have to say but you pinky promised me and then she says ok and then she lets me play it, but mama my back is itching right here and my hand are little mama. I can’t reach my back itchy mama. Won’t you please itch it for me please and then I will get right back in my bed mama. I will.”

“Come here. Where, here, oh over here, oh ok, is that better.”

“Oh yeah. Oh thank you. Oh that was really itchy mama. Thank you. I am going back to my bed now. Oh thank you.”

“Love you Noodle. Good night.”

“Good night mama.”

Sometimes even a pinky promise needs breaking, I suppose. But shhhh, don’t tell her sisters. Her credibility will go right out the window.

Yesterday morning the girls and I woke up to this.

And yes I took that picture through the screen. I don’t do cold. Or snow. So after letting the door open only enough for my dog to squeeze his way out, did I quickly shut the screen door and snap a picture.

So what to do on a snow day? Mmmm. I love snow days.

With no dependable babysitter, I had to call in to work. Oh shucks. Because the work is never done, the girls got up and dressed themselves and we got crackin on our chores so we could spend the rest of the day playing together. So first we did a little of this.

And this.

And then came the fun part. I gave all the girls a bath and made them put on thier my favorite pajamas. They are warm and fuzzy and there is just something so adorable about having your kids in matching clothes. Ok, maybe that is just me. But - they. looked. adorable. and I loved it.

So anyway, Emma was done first as the other two are just too cool and too grown and too responsible to have their mommy give them a bath anymore. So while Cori and Liv were upstairs getting their showers, Emma took advantage of the time to do a little of this, which is Emma’s very favorite pasttime.

When the girls were done with their showers, we decided to engage in a little of my favorite pasttime. Only I don’t ever have time for my favorite pasttime so today we made time and did some of this.

Emma worked up such a sweat playin with that dollhouse she had to strip. What I wouldn’t give for some arms like that.

Anyway, when the painting was done we moved on to bigger and better things. Since painting is my/Olivia’s favorite pasttime, we let Cori pick next. She chose for us to do this.

After all that fun, the girls were getting a little tired and whiny so they went upstairs to lay on my bed and watch “Akeelah and the Bee” for the 952nd time, while I, unfortunately had to do a little of this.

Which I must admit is alot more fun since I got this.

Yeah baby!

I even did this.

That’s right folks that is a four couse meal on a weekday. Who has time to cook like this on a weekday? I do, I tell ya.

As long as it’s also a snow day.

I haven’t enjoyed a snow day like that in a long time. And I tell you what, I was glued to the news this morning as much as the girls were for that little banner to pop up to tell us the good news of another snow day today, but no such luck. 

Back to the daily grind *sigh*.

*Disclaimer: I noticed while previewing this post that Cori is in none of the pictures. I promise I love her just as much.

I am pleased to announce to all of my readers that I am feeling much less melancholy today. I had a refreshing weekend and I am well, refreshed. On Saturday, after taking Cori and Liv to Karate, we had plans with Nana to car shop. I could have put a substantial downpayment on a new car for what I have shelled out on the rental car I have been driving for the past 2 1/2 weeks, but oh well. Who needs money when you are a single mom with three kids and a big house with electric bills the size of the national deficit? Oh yeah, that’s me.

So we shopped and shopped and shopped for a car to no avail. Nothing in my price range with less than 2 million miles on it, so as of yet I am still the proud borrower of a Chrysler Sebring, courtesy of Thrifty Car Rental.

The girls and mom and I also stopped by Borders and had hot chocolate and browsed through the books and CDs. The girls were so superbly behaved the entire day - and oh, Emma learned to swallow her ADHD medication with a drink, but for some reason it only works with soda pop. Hmm. Clever little booger isn’t she? In any regard this was a major victory as now I don’t have to cut and crush which shaves an easy 12 seconds off my morning routine. Any little bit helps. I know  that my 5 year old becoming a proficient pill popper should not be so thrilling to me, but, well, it is. And she was quite proud of herself. Even earning herself a heartfelt “Good Job Emma” from her biggest sister whom she idolizes like there is no tomorrow.

We made it home in time for an impromptu visit from my best friend Jamie and her baby, Jalynn. And I tell ya, who would wanna miss this little bundle on their doorstep?

They stayed for a little while until Jalynn could barely keep her little eyes open and then they headed home. The girls and I watched TV for a while before it was time for bed and bath. And I know I mentioned before how my middle daughter is a little quirky, but really, does any one else’s kids watch TV like this?

Man that kid cracks me up!

After the kids were tucked quietly and warmly in their beds, I flopped on the couch and sighed a deep breath. What a great, relaxing, enjoyable day. Just as I settled on some chick flick that was just coming on TV, I decided to make some hot tea and just relax and ignore the laundry taking over the playroom and the grungy bathroom floor that was calling to me to please clean it. I walked back into the living room, settled on the couch under my favorite fuzzy blanket and turned off the lamp. Suddenly I heard my front door knob turn and the door flung open. After almost simultaneously going into cardiac arrest while peeing my pants, I heard these sweet words “What I tell you bout keeping this door unlocked?” Ok so maybe the words weren’t all that sweet but the protective way he said them was very endearing. “Well, Hi Big Daddy, what a great surprise!” Then a sweet kiss right on my lips.

Ahhh, what a great day. A great day that I really needed. And by darn, I deserved it too.  

Saturday came and went. Saturday was a success. Saturday was a BLAST! After taking Liv and Cori to Karate, Emma and I snuck off to the movie theatre to pre-buy our tickets for the Hannah Montana Concert movie for fear that by 5 they may be sold out. We picked up the other two girls and headed to mom’s for lunch.

This was a change in plans, but nana being nana made it just as fun as Dave and Busters and the lunch was much better. After packing their Hannah Montana purses with goodies and a can of pop for each of them, we headed off to the movies.

There were little girls everywhere in their HM attire and giggling and squealing just as I had predicted. The girls were about to burst with excitement as we pulled in the parking lot. I was most excited about the premium parking spot I somehow scored right up front. After forgetting the tickets, because I do things like that, and walking back to the car to retrieve them, we made our way into the show.

And imagine my surprise when we saw these.

Yes people, those are 3D glasses. Hannah Montana was in 3D. How stinkin cool is that? Very cool I tell ya. Very cool. The girls sat entranced for the entire show. Except when they were singing and clapping along. Which was every song. Because they knew every song.

So did every other little girl in the theatre.

Did I mention there were like thousands of them?

After the concert/movie we sat for a moment and let all the other people file out of the theatre. The girls started to spill out all their excitement and jubilation and tell me of their favorite part. I just soaked it all in. As we walked out of the theatre I started to think about the day and about how much fun we all had together as a family. How the girls actually acted like they loved eachother. All day.

I thought about how I enjoyed the concert too. How grateful I was that Miley Cyrus looked adorable the entire show. Not once were there too-short shorts or bellies showing or pre-pubescent cleavage. And her songs are about friendship and cute boys and missing grampas that have passed away and other things little girls should be thinking about.

And I thought about some of the memories I had as a little girl. I remembered how on my 12th birthday I came home from school to find NKOTB tickets on my bed. That’s New Kids On The Block, folks, and I am not ashamed. My best friend Traci Turley and I rocked our raddest NKOTB outfits with dayglo orange and yellow socks and had our hair in matching side ponytails. I remembered how my mom seemed like she had just as much fun at the concert as my friend and I. And now I know how much joy she felt as a mom seeing and experiencing my happiness. I will never forget that day.

 I hope my kids remember Saturday.

I hope they remember their coolest Hannah Montana attire.

I hope they remember how excited they were pulling into the parking lot and seeing the marquee at the exact same time their favorite Hannah Montana song came on Radio Disney.

I hope they remember seeing the posters out front for the first time and feeling butterflies of anticipation in their bellies.

But most importantly I hope they remember this.

Because I know I will.

Saturday is not a holiday. But it is the weekend. And I don’t have to work. I just get to have fun. And I have alot of fun planned my friends. Probably more than I handle. No, really. But here are 13 reasons why I can’t wait for it to get here:

1. I have had the week from h-e-double hockey sticks. Alot of craziness happened including but not limited to, my car braking down and needing a new engine, my mass purchase at HHGregg when the salesman made the mistake of telling me I could have 24 months same as cash on GE appliances. (I needed a washer. I bought a washer, a dryer, a refrigerator and stove. Oh and a vacuum.), my basement was slightly flooded and I had to call roto rooter, my daughter threw up all over the bathroom after her older sister threw up all over the car. twice.  

2. Did I mention my car broke down and I need an engine. An engine. The really big piece that is under the hood that makes the car run. It is also, evidently, the most expensive piece.

3. My daughter has Karate. I love Karate. Ok, not necessarily Karate, but watching my oldest daughter perform Karate. She is good. Really good. And she likes it. And let’s face it, this kid does not like much. (she is 8 going on 14)

4. I got my income tax return! Woo hoo. And after all my debts from 2007 are paid off, I may have about 63 dollars left to treat my girls to something fun. After all, they are the reason for the get-out-of-debt-free-card I get every year at this time. Just one of the perks of being a single parent. Head of household, baby! and I’ll take three dependents on the side thankyouverymuch!

5. Saturday is only one day before the Super Bowl. That’s all I have to say about that. Amen.

6. I have laundry to do, but I also now have the beautiful and shiny and wonderful and amazing front load washer and dryer that I have lay awake dreaming about for so long. And they are all mine. Well, in 24 months they will be.

7. I have a big day planned for “the girls” and my friend Shanil and her daughter De’Asya are signed up to go. We always have a great time together. And there is something to be said about having an even number of kids. Two groups of two running off in different directions is surprisingly easier than having three going in three different directions.

8. This day includes eating out. And I don’t mean McDonalds or Domino’s pizza cuz I have a coupon. There may even be forks.

9. I bought the girls a new little outfit to wear on our big day. Because they are girls and love all things girly. And new clothes are fun. And they are going to think I am the coolest mom ever! Yay me! ( yes I know this is shameless bribery. I don’t care )

10. This big day also includes Dave and Busters. This is the midwest equivalent to Chuck E Cheese or Gameworks. In other words, there are lots of games to play and you only have to spend 293 dollars on tokens for your kids to each get a tootsie roll and a slap bracelet before you leave. And if you are lucky it will only take them 45 minutes each to decide what they want. But the biggest perk. Skeeball. You can’t touch me on Skeeball people. I am the skeeball champ. And I am not afraid to elbow a kid or two to prove it.

11. These big plans on Saturday are a big surprise. The girls have no idea. Springing it on them is almost too much secret for me to handle. I am a bad secret-keeper. The worst. I feel like I could burst right now.

12. The best part of the day will be saved for last. I know you are dying of anticipation. Well I will give you a hint. My daughters and my friend’s daughter will not be the only little gorgeous girls there. Oh no. There will be lots of little girls there. And lots of screaming and giggling I am sure. Lots of pink and definitely lots of lipgloss. Adorable fuzzy boots and glittery purses and most probably talk of Zac Efron and the Jonas Brothers.

13. And only because I can’t think of a 13, I will give you a bigger hint. We will be at a movie theatre for a one-week only showing. And the title of the movie includes the words Hannah and Montana. (insert adolescent girly screams here) But shhh don’t tell. It’s a surprise.

I apologize in advance that I left my camera at work on Friday and did not have the ability to take pictures of this awesome day! I will try to be descriptive enough to give this day justice.

If you read the previous post, you know that Emma graduated from the PH program at NorthKey on Friday. After touching base with her therapist on Friday afternoon, I learned that Emma was very excited but also very nervous about what happens next. She even had a hard time expressing her feelings, telling Miss Chrissy that she hated her because it was her fault she was done with the program and could not come back. After making a mental note to talk to Emma about the word hate, I began to brainstorm about ways I could show Emma how being done with the program was a good thing and she should be very proud of herself. Miss Chrissy mentioned encouraging her by telling her how independent she is now to make correct choices after all she learned. Thus was born, Independence Day.

I decided that on Saturday I would let Emma be completely independent. No choosing battles, no “rules” if you will, and she was the “boss” of the day. This of course began with a lengthy disclaimer about the fact that this would be for this ONE day only and the lack of rules did not mean she could be a bossy tyrant and demand things beyond reason.  I should also mention that this “idea” did not begin until about 4PM, knowing I could not take a whole day of this and so it was actually Independence Evening I suppose.

 Anyhoo, we sat in the living room and brainstormed about all the fun things we would do since there would be no regularly scheduled chore-doing going on. The first was dinner. Emma’s choice. What did we have you may be wondering? Well a dinner fit for an independent five year old with no rules of course. Pizza rolls, buttered puffcorn and iced tea, with mini chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The dishes? Well there were none, we ate off of paper towels. In the middle of the living room floor. In front of the TV. While watching Aquamarine on DVD for the 992nd time.

After dinner we played Old Maid and then made paper collages on construction paper. The mess? Left. Remember, no chore-doing instructed Emma. (I secretly cleaned this up while they were putting on pajamas, I could not stand it)

“Do you want to wear pajamas for bed tonight?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said.

But not just any pajamas, oh no. These were handpicked pajamas by an independent five year old with no rules, of course. First she started with pink and purple striped pajama pants and then a white silky nightgown with purple and blue flowers. On top of that, her favorite pajama shirt. Pink with light pink hearts and heart buttons. Then came the pink and white cheetah print robe. Next, mismatched slippers. She looked hilarious but at least she dressed responsibly - the putting of something on her feet surprised even me.  

“Lets do our hair mama,” was the next suggestion. Emma settled for the princess leia look. Two braided knobs on the side of her head with a sprig of a ponytail right on top of her head because she desparately wanted to wear her new Frog barette that she asked I fasten to the end of the ponytail.

After her sisters were respectively dressed in their mismatched-I-get-to-wear-whatever-I-want-pajamas, we were ready to head back downstairs for some more fun according to Emma.

We put together their new Scooby Doo puzzle and aggravated played with the dog. At about 7 o’clock, I asked Emma were we still having our regularly scheduled snacktime. Nope. We will wait one hour for snack, she replied. MMMkay, I said.

Next we played school for which Emma was the teacher, and Grocery Store for which Emma was the cashier and the manager.  We played house for which Emma was the mommy and Disney Monopoly for which Emma was the banker (with a little help from her big sister). I know this sounds like an awful lot of activities but don’t forget this child has ADHD — none of these activities held her attention for more than 13 minutes a piece.

Next Emma decided we should just watch a movie for a while, which turned into a tickle fest on the hardwood floor of the living room. After laughing so hard she and her sisters could barely breathe and me peeing my pants a little (sorry I know that is alot of info, but you know you are a mom and you know have done it too) we quit and piled onto the couch for some movie viewing. High School Musical 2 this time. Because obviously we have only seen this movie 991 times and so another viewing was necessary.

After about 10 minutes Emma sat straight up and yelled and i do mean yelled…”Snack! We almost forgot snack mama” Looking at my watch and realizing it was 10PM and already an hour and a half past bedtime, I nearly cringed for not setting a time limit on this independence thing. “Snack it is” I said as I prepared myself for the next sentence from her mouth. I was envisioning an ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup and gummy bears when she said “How bout apples and peanut butter” Ah, a healthy snack (one of which my sister would be very proud, she and Emma share quite the love for PB) I almost got a little teary at my independent five year old with no rules’ choice of a evening snack.

I excused myself to the kitchen to start cutting up apples for snack time. I forgoed the usual paper plate and got down the plastic tinkerbell plates from the top shelf. I even made a little presentation putting the peanut butter in the middle and strategically placing the apple slices around it in a cute little circle (my Chef boyfriend would be proud).

“So uh, what time is bedtime” I asked Emma from the kitchen, knowing if I had to hear Troy and Gabrille sing one more goofy love song to eachother might make me ill.

No answer.

“Emma…….Olivia…..Cori……” I called from the kitchen.

 No answer.

I teetered the plate of apple slices on my hand and carried the three small cups of milk I made in my other hand and walked into the living room. I instantly melted into a big puddle of mommy love right there on the spot. All three of them had fallen asleep on the couch in a mangled mess of arms and legs and crazazy hairdos and mismatched pajamas.

I turned the channel on the TV and sat down in the recliner and just looked at them for a while. I watched the news and was just about to go upstairs when  I heard a little rustling and looked over just as Emma was opening her eyes.

“Liv’s foot is in my face mama” she said.

“I see that baby, you wanna go up to your bed?”

“mm hmmm, will you carry me?”

“You’re the boss remember?” 

She rolled off the couch and I carried her up to her bed.

“Did you have a fun time being in charge?” I asked.

“Yes,” she answered sleepily, “but tomorrow you can be in charge again mama, that made me really tired, being in charge.”

Puddle of mommy love all over again.

“Okay noodle, you got it” I said.

I may just be a single mom making it up as I go along but right then in that moment I remembered a quote I heard years ago that I loved so much I painted it on the play room wall…..

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

This post is about my beautiful, youngest daughter Emmalee, or more commonly called the noodle. This past year has been a rough one for the noodle. Her teachers and I started noticing her struggle almost immediately after enrolling her in the montessori preschool she previously attended. She is bright and sweet and capable of finishing tasks her older classmates struggle with. She knew her colors, her numbers, how to write her name and she could recognize many words. However, she also had a hard time staying on task. She would get very frustrated with the slightest hint of challenge and she downright refused to take a nap at naptime. Her teacher commented to me that it almost seemed as if she ran on pure adrenaline all day. Before long the social dynamics of preschool proved to be too much for Emma. While most four year olds would simply walk away and find something else to do, Emma would get extremely upset if someone did not want to play with her. She took it very personally and would either cry uncontrollably or become angry enough to hit or throw things. This started to happen more and more until eventually it was every day.  Her teacher, Miss Sharon worked with her intensively, to the point of changing routines and nap locations. She would read books and talk to her peers about ideas to help Emma. The day I had to pick her up from school because she pushed a bookshelf over on another child - I got smacked upside the head by the notion that my child needed help. I was not angry at her, I was worried for her. If this is how she was thinking at 4, what would she do at 14? You hear of kids all the time that stab classmates, bring guns to school and beat other kids in locker rooms or in school parking lots. I refused to let my childs anger and issues shape her future.

Then we came across Miss Becky, a behavior modification specialist. I was leary at first. I was raised in the country where bad behavior was taken care of by enforcing hard work on the farm and not sparing the rod. These things were not working for Emma and I knew we needed professional help.

I enrolled her in a program at NorthKey Community Care, the local mental health agency in our town. They have a children’s hospital staffed 24 hours a day with dedicated, licensed therapists. In this hospital, they have a program called the Partial Hospitalization program. This meant she could be monitored and observed and helped, but would not have to be admitted. She was picked up every morning at 9 and dropped off every day at 2. In these five short hours a day, my daughter was slowly but surely becoming tranformed. She was learning how to modify her behavior, how to interact with her peers and how to focus on her work. She learned responsibility and the consequences of her actions.

At first, I felt like I had failed my child. Like these were things I should have been teaching my child on my own. And then one day at work, I got a call from the psychiatrist that was observing Emma at school. He explained to me that Emma had classic signs of ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder and that he could also tell she came from a loving home filled with encouragement. He explained to me how Emma was feeling, where the anger was coming from and how we could work together to help her. He put her on a very small dose of medication to help her focus and feel calm. I started to read everything I could get my hands on to try to understand what was going on in my baby’s little brain and slowly I began to feel content. Her progress started to increase and the meltdowns decreased dramatically.

Her incentive program at school was a sticker sheet that she had to keep each day in the program. Each day they could earn up to 12 stickers on their sheet for being caught acting appropriately. If she asked nicely for a pencil from a classmate instead of snatching, a sticker. If she sat in her chair quietly and listened to the teacher give directions , a sticker. She would earn different rewards based on the number of stickers she received. Before long, 5 stickers a day turned into 8 stickers a day and for the past week she has gotten all 12 stickers EVERY DAY. The self pride splattered across her face everyday when I pick her up is the best part. “Look at my sticker chart mama - all 12 again — see”

Last week her therapist Miss Chrissy called me at work. ” I have good news” she says. “We met on Emma yesterday and we all agree she is ready to move on. We see such a new child in her. We are very optimistic about her future in Kindergarten and beyond. Next Friday will be her graduation day!”

So today is Emmalee’s graduation day and I could not be more proud of her.

I have cried, I have worried, I have prayed.
I have read and reread, I have asked friends for advice.
I have cried, I have worried, I have prayed.
I have questioned my choices, I have asked colleagues their opionion.
I have cried, I have worried, I have prayed.

And I feel like today is a new beginning.